10 Reasons why you don’t want to be silent but violent.
“Silent, but violent,” famously said by one of the greatest boxers ever; Lenox Lewis. Yes, I am one of those who like him more than Mike Tyson.
“Silent but Violent” is how Lenox Lewis likes to describe his personality, silent outside the ring, and violent inside. In terms of boxing, I would say this is pretty normal. We tend to have everyone from super quiet guys to massive trash talkers in this high testosterone world.
But Silent and violent is the current state of mind sponsored by the years 2020 and 2021, even for people who don’t like boxing.
Current restrictions, lockdowns, and other downsides of self-isolation caused due to obvious reasons have forced many of us to adjust to the new reality. From one point of view, it is priceless when you have unlimited time with your family or spouse.
It looks like mother nature decided to slow down and you can practice your hobby, if you can afford it.
You might have seen a billboard in the city, “feeling unwell, don’t squish inside, talk to someone, we are here to help.”
You might have thought to yourself, “that’s not about me, too tough for this shit, I am not one of those who self-diagnose depression”.
Oh come on, give me a break.
Btw this is not another article about depression if you have read it until this point, even if depression was the issue that went up about 200% in the UK over the last few months.
Where actually is the problem? You are hiding your emotions because of your life stress, losing control over trivial things and exploding in the most unnecessary moments. Basically, your system is overloaded.
You are walking on the short fuse mode or even a more extreme, “ground and pounding mode.’’ Those are terms from MMA when you punch someone on the floor until referee stops the fight.
The reality is that you are actually beating yourself up from inside. You are on a high-octane cocktail that contains ingredients like ego strikes, territory defences, pride, fear. This is obviously an illusion but cold and hard as well. Every day seems the same, the weather is like from Mordor, and everything sucks.
That is right, I know how you might feel at the moment. I’ve experienced this myself dozens of times.
After a year-long experience with the new world environment, in my case:
I work only a little bit online + 89% of time spent with kids and wife,
There is not much time to decompress or relax. We are a walking time bomb. Even when we are extremely grateful for the wellbeing of our family, it is mater of a split second when our mind takes us for an emotional roller coaster and we are in the front row.
As the author of The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People said, “there is a gap between stimulus and reaction.” Well, that gap does not exist in my case or it often disappears fast.
For the last few months, I have been doing what looks like a very cool plan to deal with disasters. I have been having a pint or 3 of Guinness + the natural plant-based medicine called marijuana. After London lockdown 3.0 was announced, my brain went back on auto pilot asking,
“shall we do this again?”
Even if your willpower is still strong and you can resist, this scenario causes more damage in the long term. Why? Because you are increasing the problem by substituting your anger on a daily basis, most likely when the kids are in bed.
And the next morning, you are slow, moody and everything irritates you three times faster. This pattern will continue day in day out if you don’t do something.
If you have to do this as one of the first things in the morning then please do yourself a favour and stop reading, stop playing a tough guy, and call the authorities.
If you are only doing this occasionally and you can say “stop”, that is great news but there are a few options on how to expand your arsenal of various relaxation activities.
I came up with a few solutions by experimenting on myself and listening to the problems of others who are in a similar basket.
1. Get away from yourself and talk TO YOU, LIKE “DUDE ARE YOU FOR Real?” LIKE if there is a hologram version of Tupac standing next to you.
2. Observe your thoughts. Hold on to your stupid monkey brain.
3. R3M, rule of 3 moves. Do some mobility in the morning, a short workout in the afternoon with weights and a walk in the evening with your kids or partner. 10000–15000 steps per day is great, just make sure to move your body at least 3 times a day
4. Be ahead of the game (bedtime routine), don’t stay up too late, don’t watch something super drastic just before bedtime, just cool down, prepare your clothes for the next day, be ready to quickly escape to the living room kind of like Harrison Ford in The Fugitive move in 1993
5. Be ahead of the game (morning routine) breathe deeply or meditate for about 2- 3min, breathe, don’t just meditate. If you do not have time to sit in a yoga position and work on your conscious mind, then just do dynamics stretches, smooth movements, simplicity is the key.
6. Listen to pop music with your kids. When things are start getting to be more hectic again, quickly change the house vibe. Listen or even start dancing to pop music. It is so simple and everyone, including your sadistic aggressive mind, becomes happy. So just for record, I am not a big fan of a cute tune or even sweeter lyrics.
On my playlist will be everything from heavy metal bands like Hatebreed, Slayer, Sick of it all, The Exploited by hip hop of 90s , Reggae, Ska, Dancehall, DnB etc.
In your busy family schedule, there is not enough time to give yourself a hard tune when you need to chill out in the family atmosphere, everyone will be waiting for your song to finish, and it’s better not to force your music tastes onto the younger generation.
My dad was trying hard to persuade me to listen to rock music, and for most of my life I absolutely hated rock bands.
7. Lack of sex increases aggression in Women and Men. That a fact. Once again about boxing. You hear stories from boxing champs about how they avoid sexual contact in the weeks leading up to the fight to be in a more aggressive state on the day. You obviously want to do something that is the complete opposite.
8. Sex is a great way to relieve stress. This is because it releases a lot of healthy hormones and endorphins, which make you feel better. It also counts as exercise, and a fun way to burn a few calories. If you are single, you might want to practice self-love to prevent things from getting worse.
9. Drink Non-alcoholic drinks and CBD oil, if a placebo works then that’s a great temporary solution. Pretty often it is all about rituals. Having a cold beer from the fridge wouldn’t do much, but it would work in making you relaxed. I bet you can’t wait to grab a cold beer and chill out on the sofa.
This time, beer won’t even give you a buzz, and you won’t even notice whether it is good quality. The problem with non-alcoholic drinks is that most of them are horrible. It is good to explore first.
Better stay sober and face your enemy the next day in good shape, than be miserable.
10. Talk to 2–3 random people per day. Yes, this is hard and bit cheesy. When you are isolating yourself and don’t talk too much with others, you are slowly losing you sharpness and confidence. That why some small talk could help.
Especially if you are living in a country when you don’t use your first language, it is basically like practising a skill.
Sometimes you can make someone’s day special with small talk like that.
All in all, don’t relax too much. Only do it when you have earned it. Earn extra points and be kind. Distract yourself if you are playing the same long boring games for a while. Yes, you can enjoy living in the new reality as we move back to semi-normality.
Thanks for reading this blog, I appreciate it.
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